A Drunken love
It's drizzling outside; inside two souls are sitting across the table... The beige light of the lamp, placed beside, suffused the glass topped table where two one-sip-empty glasses of 4th peg of malt are placed. Rest of the room is a chiaroscuro. Air is redolent of the sweet wet smell of earth; heads started becoming dizzy with that drunken pleasure and hearts are on the verge of revealing the deepest of emotions.
It is the climax of a relationship that got entrapped in a fear of failing to fulfill expectations, as a result it failed to live it's life. A relationship where feelings were intense, care was as soft as of a mother but still apprehensions of not in the right relationship existed. They termed their relationship as love, but when they used to sit alone under the star studded sky, independent qualms on their own judgment kept coming in and going.
"From now on can we reserve every weekend exclusively for us?"... He accepted !!!
"I think you should start wearing these attires; we are in urban society."... She accepted !!!
"Please behave responsibly; now you are a partial bachelor, not full fledged." He thought !!!
"We should take out time for our friends also."... She thought !!!
In evening beaches facing the sunset, in dinners of celebrations, in walks under the rains they discovered how much they love each other; days after days through these moments feelings grew, but within that feeling what also grew is a constant self-examination, "Am I now that person what he/she expects me to be?" And after sometime another self examination, "Am I leaving my original self?" But in turbulent times when things didn't seem to fall in place, when they seem to lose their heads... they sought each others presence and talks; and when any of them used to see a couple sitting intimately on a green surface surrounded by metropolis' glamorous sky-scrapers, they were touched by a merriness thinking,"I too have these moments in my life amidst this city's whirl winding pace !!!". Yet ignorant impositions of expectations and the obligations of fulfilling it left them in a state of complete denial of each others existence of companionship. It was as if a chord that surrounded them and whose ends met each other instead of meeting their hearts. Days were passing by, denial was deepening, servility to a fear that no moment in a day was left for themselves was evident. A blue haze amidst the life's daily toils gripped them and made their fluctuating emotions perplexed. And suddenly the worst thought that could surface in a relationship came up... "I was better off without you."
They used to celebrate few rainy weekends at home with wines or malts. With every intake, numerous things used to surface... realization of self guilt of imposing expectations; consolations to each other of being human who commit mistakes; passionate embraces with tearful eyes; inexplicable, deepest philosophical opinions about love. Those evenings ended a under a blanket embossing each other and sniffing the warm breathes. It was among those rare occasion when they felt relieved, sensed an arduous connect, their feelings soared an emotional high. In those moments feelings were limpid, self was purest.
On one dewy night of winter, he couldn't finish the half left coffee in the cup after she went away from his place. He was bemused with her talks, she addressed,"Although our convictions converge yet we differ in our worlds. We both exhibit free spirits who, in crude words, hate obligations. But unconsciously we both became guilty of imposing this to each other. Yet we have tried to mold ourselves to each others wishes, but that made our life treacherous. We, in no way, complement each other and hence we don't love each other; we are merely acquaintances whom we need only when we want. Breaking this relationship off initially would make our minds haunted with spent moments, a frequent frustration of present and to bring back everything and start freshly. But the down the long lane, we would not be unanswerable to each other for our deeds that will bring peace to our souls. I hope we both have that courage to move on with life after today." Certainly, she was more courageous than him; he never couldn't dared to vent his distraught self.
Today's rainy night is an initiation, afresh, of the departed things; she was right in pronouncing the initial effects of breaking off. Three pegs finished and everything is on the verge of those rare occasions that they used to cherish after every intake and ultimately get drenched in. But there's tomorrow and there would be days following it when they would not be soused; occasions occur occasionally !!! She left that one-sip-empty fourth peg and slowly went away from his his place getting drenched in the rain........................
