Letter to my love

My dearest sweetheart,

Today could be the darkest morning of your life my beloved when you will wake up with this letter on the table beside you. I will be gone from your life by then, to a far away place from where even my memories can't reach you. Before leaving, here I am penning down the reason which made me to take this decision. Where-ever I would be after today, I would pray you gain strength to confront this and move on with your life !!!


Four years of our married life (shy a few months) have been wonderful; there can be no denial that we both are happy and contended with each other apart from usual strife between couples. I have always loved you and still do more than anything in this world. I found no person, whoever crossed my life, better than you; and I am still of the same opinion irrespective of what happened with me last night.


Around a year ago I met her at a party of a business trip. In her mid thirties, elegant and polite in her behavior, she was flaunting her arms to say "Hi" to her well-knowns. I intended to begin a term with her with an aim to extend my social or professional arena. We started talking (And I don't remember when it started and how) and our talks ranged from life's most bitter experiences to close-to-heart moments to achievements to cynicism to practicality covering almost all the aspects of a civilization. Within two months, relationship became engaging and since she was residing in this city only, it was not difficult for both of us to get access of each other whenever required. She was spinster !!! She was curious on how a married life is different from a single life, how we handle the most turbulent moments in such an intimate relation, how the expectations fluctuate in such a life... She exhibited an intelligent inquisitiveness and pragmatic poise about matters. And not very long ago it started (I don't know how) that on few weekends we drove away from city's dazzles with bottles of red wine and cans of beers, on golden beaches where we glimpsed on our past with soul-touching music. And we spent hours talking of romanticism with profession, creed of concealed relationship and somehow coitus bliss.


It was the first night, five months ago, when we made love... We were drunk and I couldn't resist my temptation to touch her gorgeous fleshes; she had already surrendered herself on the bed. After the pleasure, her eyes were tearful and I was blank. We had quite a number of stints but sex was not the only thing between us; probably I found an acquaintance with whom I can relate freely my natural instinct of creating a web of thoughts, discuss the deepest, unknown questions in life and get challenged with a non-egoistic web of replies. Same with her I presume with the presence of a desire to experience that heavenly bliss. We were not in love, not in friendship... I think we fell under an undefined relationship which the society is yet to find a label for !!!


But yesterday night brought a storm in our life... I went to her place for the usual spending of time when she announced she was carrying my child. I tried to convinced her of abortion but she pleaded and then begged for this new life. In this process we unknowingly sunk into bed and made love for the last time. I think she gauged that this evening will be a souvenir for her entire life but she was unaware of the putrid thought that crossed my mind; session was long and repetitive and we ended up under the shower. When we were feeling each others ardent bodies under the cool shower, I slit her right wrist and belly and placed her in the bath tub...I kept my lips on her till her flutters faded away; but I don't know why she didn't resist seeing herself bleeding.


I am penning this down sitting at her place... I was guilty of ending two lives and sinful to three lives none of whom I know can forgive me... I neither had the courage to end myself nor have the heart to face you for this incident. I will try to console myself by considering the walking away from your life as my biggest punishment I can give to myself !!! I am leaving it to your courage, if it is possible for you to gather, to find an answer to why this enigmatic incident happened to me that shattered all of us... And I will keep praying that you a find reason to move on with your remaining life... I have loved none other than you in my life since the earth evolved and will continue to love till the destruction of this world...


Good bye my love !!!

--Yours beloved