A Drunken love

It's drizzling outside; inside two souls are sitting across the table... The beige light of the lamp, placed beside, suffused the glass topped table where two one-sip-empty glasses of 4th peg of malt are placed. Rest of the room is a chiaroscuro. Air is redolent of the sweet wet smell of earth; heads started becoming dizzy with that drunken pleasure and hearts are on the verge of revealing the deepest of emotions.

It is the climax of a relationship that got entrapped in a fear of failing to fulfill expectations, as a result it failed to live it's life. A relationship where feelings were intense, care was as soft as of a mother but still apprehensions of not in the right relationship existed. They termed their relationship as love, but when they used to sit alone under the star studded sky, independent qualms on their own judgment kept coming in and going.

"From now on can we reserve every weekend exclusively for us?"... He accepted !!!

"I think you should start wearing these attires; we are in urban society."... She accepted !!!

"Please behave responsibly; now you are a partial bachelor, not full fledged." He thought !!!

"We should take out time for our friends also."... She thought !!!

In evening beaches facing the sunset, in dinners of celebrations, in walks under the rains they discovered how much they love each other; days after days through these moments feelings grew, but within that feeling what also grew is a constant self-examination, "Am I now that person what he/she expects me to be?" And after sometime another self examination, "Am I leaving my original self?" But in turbulent times when things didn't seem to fall in place, when they seem to lose their heads... they sought each others presence and talks; and when any of them used to see a couple sitting intimately on a green surface surrounded by metropolis' glamorous sky-scrapers, they were touched by a merriness thinking,"I too have these moments in my life amidst this city's whirl winding pace !!!". Yet ignorant impositions of expectations and the obligations of fulfilling it left them in a state of complete denial of each others existence of companionship. It was as if a chord that surrounded them and whose ends met each other instead of meeting their hearts. Days were passing by, denial was deepening, servility to a fear that no moment in a day was left for themselves was evident. A blue haze amidst the life's daily toils gripped them and made their fluctuating emotions perplexed. And suddenly the worst thought that could surface in a relationship came up... "I was better off without you."

They used to celebrate few rainy weekends at home with wines or malts. With every intake, numerous things used to surface... realization of self guilt of imposing expectations; consolations to each other of being human who commit mistakes; passionate embraces with tearful eyes; inexplicable, deepest philosophical opinions about love. Those evenings ended a under a blanket embossing each other and sniffing the warm breathes. It was among those rare occasion when they felt relieved, sensed an arduous connect, their feelings soared an emotional high. In those moments feelings were limpid, self was purest.

On one dewy night of winter, he couldn't finish the half left coffee in the cup after she went away from his place. He was bemused with her talks, she addressed,"Although our convictions converge yet we differ in our worlds. We both exhibit free spirits who, in crude words, hate obligations. But unconsciously we both became guilty of imposing this to each other. Yet we have tried to mold ourselves to each others wishes, but that made our life treacherous. We, in no way, complement each other and hence we don't love each other; we are merely acquaintances whom we need only when we want. Breaking this relationship off initially would make our minds haunted with spent moments, a frequent frustration of present and to bring back everything and start freshly. But the down the long lane, we would not be unanswerable to each other for our deeds that will bring peace to our souls. I hope we both have that courage to move on with life after today." Certainly, she was more courageous than him; he never couldn't dared to vent his distraught self.

Today's rainy night is an initiation, afresh, of the departed things; she was right in pronouncing the initial effects of breaking off. Three pegs finished and everything is on the verge of those rare occasions that they used to cherish after every intake and ultimately get drenched in. But there's tomorrow and there would be days following it when they would not be soused; occasions occur occasionally !!! She left that one-sip-empty fourth peg and slowly went away from his his place getting drenched in the rain........................

The Quarter-Life Crisis

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

We call it Quarter-Life Crisis !!!

MIRAGE OF HAPPINESS
Under the dark clouds through the heavy rains,
the train is running in it's speed on rainy tracks.
The glance outside the window is equally dense,
as the silence of inside, but suddenly it cracks.

On the station a young woman stepped inside,
and sat in his front bringing surprise to both the eyes.
Flashes of lightning struck along a far hill side,
and made both of them look towards the skies.

His deep heavy voice dispels the fog of silence,
asking her present and brings her from past.
But their past slowly sneaked in the ambience,
that now appears, throughout the journey, to last

Rain was deluging the day when they first met,
and that first sight in her thoughts began to reign.
When she first looked him with her eyes that were wet,
appeared an elf looking into him through a pane.

They came close to each other days after days,
breezing intimacy to one another's mind and heart.
She began to position her at zenith in her says,
in the tides of ardour in affection on his part.

But the course of life brought a passion in him,
to bring world's every comfort to his home.
All his won relations on earth started to dim,
but he was still swimming in a wealth's tome.

Looking quietly at the water laden open ground,
he tells, "To be home the palace is still thirsty".
"One day you will find a home in that mound",
she answers in a voice that sounds to him dusty.

Replies he, "I tried to fill rich hues in your life,
so that sailing high on clouds you rule this world."
Says she, "Still today I respect your efforts in rife,
but in the sail, with me, you were never furled".

"I spent numerous lonely nights waiting for you,
and wishing at sunrise your stretched arms' call.
When questioned about your absence I never flew,
but told rightly how hard you work standing tall."

Darkness had long paved the way to evening light,
but the wheels still appear the same chant to make.
As her destination comes after the journey of night,
she utters her final words in the morn, for his sake.

"Today you fit great to the place where you stand,
and the palace will become your dream home soon."
From behind the clouds sun is touching the land,
through fragrant earth the train again began it's tune.